Those Darned Kids....

"If you are like me, and you certainly must be, you are appalled and shocked at the weird, unnatural things going on tonight."
--Sam the Eagle

Seldom has there been a time in history when one part of the world has not looked at the other parts of the world and shaken either their heads or their fingers.  While we at Myrtle’s place cannot imagine a bigger waste of time than worrying about how someone else chooses to live their lives, we must admit that we, too, sometimes fall into the trap of worrying too much about those other people, and not enough about the state of our own tail feathers.

To that end, as part of our ongoing improvements to the homestead this Spring, we are extending the fence around our back yard, providing more privacy vis-à-vis the rent house to one side.  Along our back fence, which divides our plot from a row of rental duplexes one street over, we are planting a stand of phyllostachys nigra, a variety of medium-to-tall height timber bamboo, with unique black canes.

Privacy was not really much of an issue when we first moved into our little patch of heaven.  The rental duplexes behind us were one-story bungalows, shielded from view by a long stretch of tall yaupon; the rental house next door was occupied by a group of quiet, studious girls from a service sorority, who had handed down the lease from one sister to another for the better part of a decade.

This past Fall, however, the duplexes behind us were demolished to make way for a two-story quadruplex, with upstairs balconies looking straight down into our vegetable plot, and the line of sorority sisters next door ran out, leaving us with somewhat more rambunctious male renters in their stead – not really knuckledraggers, mind you, just typical college boys… the nightmare of cranky codger homeowners everywhere.

Our sense of quiet in the middle of the chaos of city life was somewhat shaken.

Where there is a will, however, there is a way.  We could complain about the beer cans thrown over the back fence – and we have; we could complain about the motorcycle parked in the backyard next door, whose light shines through our living room window – and we did.  But more than complain, we could – and can – act in accordance with our own needs and in line with our own principles.

When Robert Frost said that good fences make good neighbors, it was in observance of the unity provided by the act of mutual maintenance of the boundary between two co-equal neighbors – there is a real and palpable difference, though, when the context is as different as it is in our own case.  We are not really seeking much of anything from our temporary neighbors – just their silence, their lack of intrusion, and their adherence to standards of civility. 

Living as close as we do to a major university, it is inevitable that we will on occasion be surrounded by those whose lack of experience, lack of discipline, and (frankly) lack of good parenting have left them a bit lacking in manners, as well.  And in such circumstances, a good fence can make for good neighbors in an exclusive sense not considered by Frost – what we don’t see won’t annoy us.

There are other benefits to be derived from our new arrangements, and in keeping with our long history of multi-functionality, we are hopeful that we can maximize these other things and minimize our emphasis on keeping the damned kids off our lawn.

First, we are attempting to surround our property with muscadine grapes, which were growing wild here before we ever moved in.  The added support on our western fence line will allow those vines to reach a height of about eight feet.  They will be decorative and fruitful, and should dramatically increase our berry harvest each summer.

Further, we will no longer worry about the incursion of stray dogs into our backyard.  Most have been deterred by our 3 foot tall wire trellis system, but we have had the occasional jumper.  Neither the chickens nor Kitty Purry are amused.

Then there is the bamboo.  Our friends up the street have bamboo, and have advised us most ardently and strenuously not to get it ourselves.  They echo the timeless complaint of homeowners everywhere who struggle mightily to contain this most invasive of canopies. 

What they fail to realize, however, is that we don’t want to contain it.  The wilder and crazier it gets, the better.  Why?  Because we have plans for it.

• Bamboo shoots are tasty and nutritious.  A crop that is impossible to kill is right up our alley when it comes to food sources; stir fry with bamboo?  Oh, yeah, we’re all over that.
• Timber bamboo provides the only possible regenerating privacy screen for our configuration.  Unless the foliage is complete from roughly five feet off the ground up to about twenty feet off the ground… nothing will shield us from the prying eyes of our neighbors to the rear.  We don’t want to see them in their bedrooms; we don’t want them to see us on our back porch.  This solves both problems.
•  Timber bamboo is just that – timber.  There are all kinds of projects – both in terms of carpentry and also in terms of arts-and-crafts, which will be greatly served by having a ready supply of black bamboo.  We are salivating at the thought of the day when we can spend our free time creating things no one else has yet thought of.

Sure, it will require spending time digging up invasive shoots when they get too close to the vegetable beds or the tool shed… and sure, it will require work clearing felled timbers and pruning dead branches… but that just means more mulch for the garden, and more greens for the chickens.  We don’t see how this is a bad thing in any way, shape or form.

So, what started as an irritation… those darn kids… is likely to end as a major upgrade to our homestead.  One step further away from being just a utilitarian plot of ground, we are slowly but surely inching up on also being an aesthetically pleasing garden retreat.  We all have a little bit of Sam the Eagle in us; rather than giving in to the bitter emotions which seem native to that spirit, however, we implore you to consider: 

When life hands you a bunch of lemons, you’re still screwed until you add sugar. 

Don’t just accept bitter circumstances – use them.  Shape them to your will.  Make them not just palatable, but delicious.  A rowdy set of neighbors is not just an irritation – it is also an opportunity.  What else bugs you?  There is the sand where you should dig for pirate booty.

Happy farming!